As connected as we are, I feel like there is a lot I don't share on here. Isn't it crazy to think that you can talk to someone every day and still not truly know much about them? Lately, I've been struggling between being more transparent for the sake of growing the blog or keeping things private so I can still have something that is my own (and isn't broadcasted on the internet).
But there is nothing more soothing and calming than a good vent session so I guess here goes nothing....
Friendships:I've been really focusing on building better relationships with those around me. A lot of times I would forego an outing with friends because I needed to edit a video or get a blog post up but recently I've been picking real life over blog life and making myself realize that going out with my girlfriends is going to be more fulfilling than making sure I have a blog to post. In recent years, I've even stopped drinking or going out because I couldn't have a hangover the next day due to a shoot. I felt like I was stifling my real life because of pressure I was putting on myself.
Then I realized that if I don't post on a random Tuesday no one will care. Its not like you guys will get mad at me or stop coming back to my blog because of it. Half the people probably didn't even realize I was gone for one day a few weeks ago. Understanding that took a lot of pressure off and allowed me to live a little more.
Relationships:Everyone around me is getting married. I've always joked with people that once a friend gets married it's contagious because then you get the itch. And it's really true for a lot of people! I've never been that kind of girl but this year has really made me question that. Why is the world pressuring me to get married? Maybe I'll talk about it more in another post but I feel like everything is nagging me to settle down. Anyone else feel this way?
In other "next step" moves, I will have a roommate come August and we're really excited. The plan was to get a bigger apartment so we can both live in it together but I can't believe it's happening! I'm nervous but really excited. I mean I haven't had a roommate in seven (maybe?) years! Any advice is welcome :)
Work:There are a lot of really big changes going on at work currently within our department and while it's exciting to see what opportunities may arise, it's also a big waiting game. Waiting to see where I'll land, who will manage me, what I'll be doing, where I'll be going, where my friends are going... things like that. You hear one thing one day and a different thing the next and it can be taxing on everyone involved. Not to mention things are happening just weeks out from ASG which is our busiest time of year!
I've said it before but I'm so lucky to work where I do because I truly love my job. It keeps me motivated and excited to come in every day and I realize how rare that is. But even being in love with what I do, I can still feel overwhelmed. I've taken on a lot and being the only person in my role can take its toll.
My position and what I oversee continues to grow each year which is awesome but it's possible now that workflow has grown to more than a one-person job.
So we'll see where this all lands. Rumors are flying around and if they hold to be true, this reorganization could work well for my role and my future. But there is still a lot to figure out and we'll just have to take it day by day!
The Blog:Going off of the above, I feel like I'm in a constant push and pull for finding a blog/life balance. I want to be more connected to you all and I want the blog to grow but I also want to be more present in my daily life and spend genuine time with those I love. But it's nearly impossible to do both. Perfect example is why I don't IG Story/Snapchat that much. I'm trying to live in the moment and that moment doesn't involve my phone.
I talked a little about this in
my recent video but think about someone who you follow who is on IG stories all day long. They are taking you through every part of their day, talking to the phone for a majority of it, sharing snaps of what they're eating, their conversations with friends, etc. Now think about the other side of the camera. Think about being around them in real life and how they are only paying attention to their phone. I have friends like this and our friendship seems so fun on their stories but in real life it's different. It's mainly them on their phone, not being present and me sitting over to the side keeping myself occupied. I feel like people forget that side of things since they only see our lives through a phone or computer. They get the good parts of our day when everyone else is getting the bad.
I want to be in the present and live and enjoy and build relationships with those around me. Am I still on my phone? Yes, but I am conscious of it and always try to put it away when I can. But because of this I feel like I'm falling behind with blogging. Not that there is a measure of success, but in general I feel like I'm behind the pack. It's really difficult to explain but maybe this will also be a longer post for another day.
Extracurricular Activites:I am writing a book. As if I didn't have enough full time jobs on my plate, I decided I really wanted to tack this on. I love writing and it's always been a rather large goal of mine but I always struggled with what exactly I would write about. I actually thought of an idea for a book about two years ago and the plan was if Andrew and I were to breakup the book would start that day (it would be about dating in the modern age -- a subject no one has ever written about). But since I don't see that happening the idea kind of fell by the wayside.
Then I realized that I could write a fiction book and use personal anecdotes from my past life and apply them to the idea. So I am writing a book about a girl living in NYC who just got out of a longterm relationship and has been out of the game for so long she has no idea how to use online or app dating. She thinks since she lives in the most popular city in the world, you should be able to go up to a guy and just say hello. And so the story follows her dating life (meeting a guy in person, the relationship and the possible downfall of it) with each chapter being a different guy and an overarching theme or lesson learned from that relationship. There are of course some more twists and turns but what kind of author would I be if I told you everything!
NYC Life:I feel like the biggest recent thing that has been going on in my life is that I've decided I want to buy a place in the city. I think we're all pretty aware that this is no easy (or cheap) feat but I'm really going to buckle down on saving more, become strategic and get all my ducks in order to buy a place in the coming year/year and a half. Which is TOTALLY scary but it really excites me. I'm starting to talk and meet with different people in the area who can advise me on next steps so if you know of a great realtor or real estate attorney in NYC please let me know! I'll have to do a longer post on why I want to buy and my pros and cons to doing so (if you all are interested).
Home Life:I'm just going to come out and say it: I'm a messy person. If you can't tell by my weekend updates, 90% always mention cleaning my apartment. It's because I'm a mess. I come home and throw things on the floor and walk away. I feel like as a blogger or a person online you have to put on the persona of someone clean and tidy, and maybe I've done a good job at that, but I'll be the first to admit that is not the case.
I'm not
dirty but just really
messy. I have a lot of stuff and I live in a small place. I blame my messiness on being so utterly busy that when I come home it's literally throw off my shoes and sit on my couch and work on the blog until it's time for bed. So what I've been trying to do (but have been putting it off) is to clean OUT my apartment. I want less stuff around and I want it all out. I want to be clean and I want everything to have a home so when I come home I can put it away.
I also want to do this because it's really stressful to have a messy apartment. You feel even more crammed in here than you would elsewhere because here you have no where to go. I feel surrounded and claustrophobic with mess and it gets so overwhelming that I just ignore it, which is obviously the worst thing to do. (Update: I deep cleaned my apartment yesterday and it's a huge weight off my shoulders!!)
Wellness: I feel like there are three things I'm trying to focus on that fall under "wellness": working out, eating better and sleeping more. About a month or two ago I realized I was staying up till 1am every night working on the blog or just watching TV and then being so exhausted in the morning and sleeping until the very last minute I had to get up and get to work. One day I decided I didn't like the routine I was in and with that I wanted to make sure I was getting a full eight hours every night. So I set my bedtime for 11pm with a wakeup call at 7am.
With that I found I had so much extra time every morning and so I started to work out from 7-8am, blog from 8-9 and then head off to work. And I did it for a month or two and I was feeling great. But then I started to travel and life started to get in the way of my bedtime and working out and then I just kind of fell off the wagon. I still go to bed around 11pm every night but the 7am wakeup call has turned into a snooze until 8-830 alarm and then I just feel exhausted and hop off straight to work. So my plan is to get back on track soon and hold myself more accountable. And once I get that part of my daily routine back, I feel like eating better will go with it.
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I think that about covers it, right? I'd love to talk to you all more in the comments below if you have anything you're struggling with, want to vent about, have to say about what I'm venting about, just to say hi or to give support! Plus if you guys even like things like this, let me know!
