I was searching back through old content the other day and stumbled across
this post about my Instagram vs Real Life habits. I was laughing so hard remembering exactly what I was doing for those shots and how I'm still doing the same dumb stuff today...
I also remember how much you guys enjoyed that post so I thought another one was in order. While my photos have changed in quality since then, that doesn't mean they're less judge-worthy. All it really means is I now have a partner in crime and a nice camera helping me do this (thanks, Andrew!)
The Casual Stroll Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: Casually walking around in the prettiest Lilly Pulitzer gown in the middle of the day, not a care in the world! I'm also super casual and beachy because my sandals are in my hand (I'm a cool mom!)
What's actually going on: I'm standing in 90 degree heat with 80% humidity in the middle of the day when the sun is the highest. Not wearing shoes because I can't walk in them on the cobblestone/bumpy sidewalk while casually burning my feet from the heat. I'm getting zero circulation to any part of my body because neither my hair nor my dress are breathable in this weather. There are also drips of sweat falling from every crevice on my body. BUT HEY I LOOK GOOD
ETA to capture: 25 mins
The Relaxing Day at the Beach Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: Mondays RIGHT?? Just super casually getting my relaxation and dress tan on this comfortable tree in the middle of the beach next to my very favorite sailboat that happens to match my Instagram feed. #goals
What's actually going on: Oh the time it took to get up (and stay up) on this godforsaken tree. It may not look that tall where I am, but it's quite a long way down, and an equally long way up. My first mistake was trying to climb this up forward and turn when I got to my spot. #JOKES I tried that two or three times before I would eventually plummet to my death by sand.
I gave it one last shot and decided to backwards crab crawl it up there (seeing as how I kept falling on the turn around). I put my arms behind me and my legs in front and did a booty scoot all the way up. Then very (VERY) slowly laid down. First try: major back fall but second try ohhhhh it was a good one. I got this and just screamed "shoot away!" till my friend got about 30 photos. Not pictured was the death grip my right arm had on that tree. SUPS relaxing, right??
ETA to capture: 35 mins
The Ultimate Summer Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: I'm as carefree and fun as this pineapple float and no one is the wiser! Bringing floaties to the beach is the cool new thing and I ditched the swan for fruit. I mean, who wants to carry a swan under their arm for two summers in a row??
What's actually going on: What do you do when it's easily the most windy day on the trip? Bring out a large inflatable that is for sure not going to blow away into the woods! Trying to line myself up with the wind so the float doesn't catch and flip me over and blow away into the abyss. If I were thinking, I wouldn't have worn a hat for this because I was really holding down everything that could leave my body at that moment.
We snapped away and I got the shot but not before there was a BIG OLE gust of wind that knocked me over and took the pineapple with it. I ran after the float, lost my hat to the water and belly flopped/body slammed it at the very last second it was on the ground. Nothing sexier that a girl in a one piece running after fake fruit on a tropical island...
ETA to capture: 15 mins
The Casual Sliding Down a Ramp and Into Your Heart Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: I'm *obviously* the coolest kid on the block and am able to slide down this ramp like the BAMF I am. Only the movies, professionals and I can pull something like this off and it's all thanks to my slick moves and stylish leather jacket. Sliding into your DMs? No. Sliding into your heart <3
What's actually going on: I'm standing on the steps, one arm holding on behind me and the other ready to fly counting down the moments where either I'll fall and plummet to my death or get a really sick Instagram photo. 1.... 2... 3.... I yell as I slightly lean back, lift my feet up for 3.4 seconds, put my arm out to "balance" and smile. Gotcha, didn't I? I'm not moving for a second and there was absolutely no sliding that day. Just a little lean and snap if you know what I mean.
ETA to capture: 10 mins
The Sand-y/Summer-y Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: #BeachCasual #SandInMyHairDon'tCare #OneWithTheBeach #BeachBum #BeachGoals
What's actually going on: Take a long hard look at my pose and just try to recreate it. On your stomach, with your legs crossed at the ankles leaning to the left, arms way out in front so your head is lower to the ground but not far enough so you can't hold yourself up, head and hat down but not all the way so (again) you can still hold yourself up and hold a drink while your at it. WUT. All of that and not even a mention of the 500 pieces of jewelry I'm wearing to the beach?! But it sure does look cool, right?
As for the sand itself, I literally rolled to my left and then to my right to come back to this position. I have to get a little dirty for a photo (said no one ever). Pretty sure I'm still finding sand on my body...
ETA to capture: 7 mins
The Hammock Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: MAXING AND RELAXING because I'm on a hammock and there isn't a care in the world!
What's actually going on: Have you ever tried to take a cute photo in a hammock? Because it is all but nearly impossible. Laying the regular way (at least for me) makes me look like a beached whale that got caught in some netting. Not cute. So I sprung for the other way to lay across and the logistics didn't quite work out. The hammock was wider than I was so I had to tuck half of it below my knees, scrunch the rest up under my butt, lay back with my head up and my elbows WAY back off the edge and do all of this while trying not to swing. Lol yea right. We took about 100 different shots of this and 1 1/2 worked out.
Not even going to mention the fact that my feet look hella disproportionate to my body...
ETA to capture: 30 mins
The #IHaveAThingForBigWindows Shot:
What I'm trying to portray: SooOOoOoO New York! Waking up and contemplating life while I stare out my window onto the city in the cutest pajamas (that part isn't a lie) in my hotel room before conquering the day!
What's actually going on: That air vent was blowin' mighty hard during this photo. It came on at the worst time and gave me quite a shock! I mean those PJs are cute but they're not any type of protection against the 60 degree air blowing out. Plus getting this kind of sitting shot takes skill. You have to sit up straight, shoulders back to look natural (and not like an untrained gorilla) all while trying not to act like you're posing for a photo. It's harder than it looks!
ETA to capture: 10 mins
I hope you enjoyed this little insight into my Instagram and you don't judge too harshly. This is satire (for the most part) and is meant to bring a laugh or smile to your day!
I'd LOVE to hear your #IGvsRealLife stories. Tag me on IG or on the blog (leave a link below). I'd love to share my favorites on an upcoming blog and social post!
